2025 Goals
- Draw every single month. Every year I say this and fail this but here we go again. Don't even have to complete something just literally getting my fucking tablet pen to the screen. Now that I have more awareness of the fact that my OCPD is the reason why I haven't be able to draw consistently though, I should be able to beat the 6-month block this time if I remind myself what I actually want to live for.
- Not lose sight of my ultimate goals. My dad doesn't understand me so therefore I do not owe him my moral compass anymore. He doesn't respect art and my OCPD therefore doesn't respect art having learned from him but I don't have to listen to that anymore. So:
- Study scoping but go slow. I have to remember art is more important. My whole life I've been saying I wanted to be an artist and I've just been denying that in hopes I can do something else that is Better and More Productive but clearly I underestimated how bad I am at many things so I think we have to just give in to the desires at this point. I am buying time for my eventual art future. Art future may not earn me any money but earning money is not actually a value of mine, it's just a bar I use to beat myself up with. Scoping is Plan B and it's worth doing but I'm kidding myself if it's the meaning to my life. My art is the meaning to my life, given that I can't kill myself.
- Likewise, do my translation duty but go slow. Who cares if it takes 4 years. Art is more important. My project is more important. My project is already going to take 5+ more years and it is infinitely more important
- Drag myself out to one thing with strangers. :| :| : | : || I'm thinking maybe this bookclub that reads radical literature.......... coughs and hacks and falls over preemptively writhing on the floor