Book Club Log #8
Printed out and wrote on some flyers for Vote Forward's CA Prop 50 campaign in hopes that some people could help me pass them out or put them up etc. but really only got rid of like 10 in the end.
I arrived like 10 mins early because I wanted to be able to put them on the table. I had planned to sit next to Old Guy because The Wretched of the Earth is a heavily academic text, but I actually arrived before he did. So I chatted a bit with Bookstore Employee and Teacher Lady and did not end up sitting next to Old Guy, because he sat elsewhere. I've noticed that people tend to just sit wherever the most empty seats are, probably to help spread out people and also because sitting down directly next to someone is a little forward feeling. I guess I do the same thing.
Bookstore Employee had put out like 20 chairs, but we only had 9 people in total. The only people that finished reading the book were like 4? of us, me included. To be expected from academic books, I suppose. We'll be doing a lot of fiction from here on out instead so that should probably get more people coming again.
9 people was like fine for me, though, because I actually talked a lot (also offered a discussion question this time around). I also am just talking more nowadays because I have other stressors in my life to even really give a damn about as much social anxiety rn (all the plumbing in my house has to be repaired among a lot of other things, kind of a nightmare even if I'm not the one dealing with talking to the contractors and stuff, been losing a lot of sleep because the crawl space access is in my room specifically). Also, since I've teased out and personified the "internal observer" in my brain and I've decided to stop masking where I can and giving less shits about how I'm perceived, talking is easier. I tell the Observer I'm not playing by its projections and whatever images it's throwing up is primarily to serve itself, and I also am growing out of friendships where I have to mask.
IDC anymore!!!!
Or one would hope it would be that easy. I definitely felt my face heating up at one point but whatever whatever whatever.
Because so few people showed up, we had longer chat space in the beginning. One of the regulars who I have never figured out what to call moniker wise was wearing dragonfly earrings today which I thought were bomb so I'll just call her Dragonfly Earrings now. She talked about how she was going to wear a green ribbon around her neck for all of October for her 5th grade kids and then read the kids horror story about the green ribbon lady to them at the end of the month and untie it at the end to reveal a red blood-like choker underneath. (See, since she's also a teacher, I couldn't call her Teacher Lady as that was already taken by someone else.) It sounds fun and I hope she reports back to us on how it goes.
The discussion was a little awkward with gaps and stuff because we had fewer people but we actually got through nearly every one of the questions this time, which is extremely rare. Near the end Bookstore Employee signaled to me to ask the question that I had contributed to the list this month, so I did. That led to an interesting discussion about what people regard as their culture and whatnot.
I get the sense that I've done more thinking about this book than the other members besides the Old Guy but idk if that's just my ego speaking. Writing the notes for this book might take a while, or maybe it'll be faster because a lot of it is an impassioned plea and storytelling more than anything.
Afterwards I hung out for a little bit but left quickly because we can't even shower at home in my house so I gotta get back so we can go to the gym to do so.
Next month we're reading Multiple Names Guy's pick. Wonder if he'll start pushing for another random book after we finish this one. We also had someone new this book club who popped in just because she happened to be reading The Wretched of the Earth when she saw a flyer for the book club. Naming has never been my strong suit but if she appears again I'll think of a moniker for her eventually. She contributed to the discussion and I liked her.
Other random thought is that I like Not!Pop Star (if that's even what I named her last time) because she seems to have really good social skills and is part of a socialist org. She's the one who took some flyers from me besides Teacher Lady. Though who knows, sometimes the people with really good social skills are also really bad at finishing their work (thinking of my sister's coworkers). If I actually had an income I'd think about joining her org to see what it's like but I really have my hands full rn. Once I quit my translation group I might have more time, but I'll probably use that time on studying or art, knowing me.
Anyway, I've done good with this book club considering where I was in January. Giving less fucks because you're just kind of done with everything does wonders for social anxiety but no clue how long this will last or how far reaching the effects will be.
I'm trying, though. And I don't need anyone to tell me I'm doing okay anymore. I got it covered.