Book Thoughts: Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power by Devon Price
This book was helpful, and I thought I would take time to write proper longer notes on it, but many months have passed, and I'm understanding that it's just not going to happen. If I ever reread it, maybe then.
Ironically, because I didn't take proper notes, I cannot quite remember what exactly helped change my brain chemistry, but I do know that it helped me rethink shame and that occasionally I think of random snippets that I believe are from this book.
Anyway. Bullet points for future me if ze ever rereads this book and wants to update this post:
- QRPs
- moral license
- systemic approach racism dei research
- DARE
- sugar
- high/low calorie
- safe sex
- June Tangney has repeatedly found that shame renders people less likely to make amends with those they’ve wronged, and more prone to deny their past actions, or try to escape.[47]
- ecoguilt
- expansive recognition (are flaws really what keeps us connected?)
- recognition vs visibility
- To fully recognize someone’s situation is to believe the barriers and limitations they are facing are legitimate, and to trust them as the expert on their own life.
- Arthur Aron / symbolic immortality
- acceptance & change dbt
- Lilac
- DBT neutral statements
- What predicts positive outcomes is a person recognizing that they are bonded to others and appreciating those connections.
- matching needs (denise/carol)
- opportunity rather than obligation
- ironic rebound
- self-discloss harmful actions in past
- even with great parents kids will still feel shame from their environments
- shame resilience
- true crime example
- self-compassion skills list
- "no one does their best at all times"
- focus on systemic issues not individual feelings (neutrality over positivity, autism etc.)
- should vs wish
- presenting benefits is more appealing to people then focusing on what will happen if you don't do something
- insecure attachment can make sense but is still damaging
- don't need to be secure before working on building secure attachment
- trash the bathroom
- shame harder to confront actions hurt somebody
- community
- socializing checklist
- insecurity is not the fault of the individual but of society
- coalition building
- reform vs non-reformist
- existential therapy
- four realms
- small, quiet acts
- nobody is a failure, we've only been failed
- good for love
- it's not accomplishments but relationships
- healing checklist
- not doing things alone